A destructive word

A basic rule that I have tried to apply to any job or position that I have held is that when people criticise something or someone I tell them "If you can't offer a positive alternative then don't criticise!". Sometimes people have looked aghast, others have stomped off and some, the majority, have re-thought their comments and attitudes as they look for a positive approach. Usually it results in a constructive solution with practical, positive alternatives to help the person being criticised.
   
Criticism is cheap, it is the easiest thing to do and is often a result of things other than the fact the person, activity or plan is wrong. It can be that we simply don't like it or the person giving the idea or talk or whatever. Read the critics on theatre, food, books in the national press - many fear their comments because they can make or break a work and yet each work has merit but may not fit the pattern a particular critic likes to see. Their comments are often destructive.

Don't misunderstand when something or someone is wrong, it needs to be corrected or put right. But the method that we use to do that correcting makes a huge difference as does the attitude from which we do it. The aim of correction is not to break but to reconstruct, to provide a better way, an alternative or possibility that is accepted and acted upon. This does not happen if the person, who is the object of our correction feels destroyed, stamped on and discredited.
           
Recently I started reading through the Exodus story, one thing stood out - the number of times God produced the goods for the people - freedom from slavery, saved from Pharaohs army, given water, food, a new life, protected from roving Amalekites, shoes and clothes that don't wear out. How does it fit with critisicm?
 
Well every time the people were not happy the complained to Moses about the way he was leading, what God was not doing for them and the result eventually was that Moses was so cross with them that he wacks a rock instead of speaking to it to bring water out of and disobeys God's direction - he does not make it into the promised land because of this (Num 20:8-13). I notice that the people never offered an alternative except to return to Egypt!
                  
Criticism is destructive unless it is done constructively, criticising Gods people and leaders is almost a way of life with some. But ask yourself, could I do better and if I could why am I not? God often chooses the weak, broken and useless things (1Cor 1:27-28) -  (people) and transforms them and because they are who they are they follow him completely without questioning every direction and opportunity that he gives. They honour their call, so when we think they have got it wrong or we disagree with them, find a positive and affirming way to talk with them.

It works both ways of course and church leaders need to follow the same guidelines and avoid cutting people down because they disagree or have an alternative opinion. None of us are right all of the time and most of us are right only some of the time.

Don't destroy with words and cover it with the euphemism "of course I only tell you this in love!". Love first and think before talking and criticising.

When I'm sixty four ...

The other evening I was watching a T.V. documentary about bride stealing in Chechnya, the practice of grabbing a girl, then negotiating with her family to marry her. Often the girl hardly knows the man but more often than not the marriage takes place. One girl was asked, what about love, do you think you will love him? She replied that she hoped that in time she would. Many of us would put love as a major condition to want to marry someone - these girls get no choice. So it got me thinking.

In looking for a marriage partner we often put a high value on what the other person looks like, how they dress or what our emotional or sexual connection with them is and wrap it up by describing it as love. Of course these all play a part in our attraction but we should not forget that people change, wear different clothes, look different as they grow older then we might feel attracted to someone else as our partner changes. Perhaps the Beatles summed it up nicely in their song 'When I'm Sixty four' - "Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty four?"

Do we expect relationships to last or are they just as disposable as last years "latest" mobile phone or i-pod version or last years fashions? Do we fall in and out of love with each other or is it really a choice we make to love someone else or to continue loving that same one person?

Well I know that other women catch my attention, as well they might, theres nothing wrong with admiring; I know that just as I mess up so does my wife and I am certain that I am at least as irritating and annoying as she is. Thirty plus years of marriage have taught me that whatever the initial attraction, love comes at a price, love hurts. A price that means loving through all things, in all situations, that one person who becomes a true soul-mate, a companion it says in Genesis as God decided to create woman and for all time men and women will leave their parents and be joined as one, for life. It means not following up on attraction to someone else, which often is just our greed being let loose; it also means gaining the reward of a relationship that grows and blossoms and matures in all of its beauty.

When I think about love as the Bible talks about it, 1 Corinthians 13 comes to mind - but then that has to be seen in the context of the Church before trying to apply it relationships. It tells us that love will overcome all if we are able to put the other first and seek to share with them, look out for them, understand their needs and above all continue to choose to love them in spite of how they change, how they meet up to our expectations or not and any other distractions that draw our eyes.



Ultimately our model is God, who loves each of us so deeply that he came himself, Jesus, to put right what we manage to repeatedly mess up. He offers relationship that is eternal, based on his love for us and his desire to know us and for us to know him. He will love us when we reach sixty four and beyond, he will love us in the great times and the hard times; he will never let us down. Choose that love for yourself and love the God who loves you enough to have been there, done it and got the T-shirt long before you.

 
This is the God who will not walk away from you when you are not all that he wanted you to be, this is the God whose love for you is so deep that he hurt - suffered for you.

Model your relationship with your partner on that kind of love and it will work out no matter how tough it might get at times.

Hearers and Doers

The recent Haitian disaster generated many hours of media coverage, pictures of buildings flattened, streets destroyed, people scattered and many killed, maimed or made homeless. We saw and heard of the disaster and its aftermath, but like much of what we hear these days, it becomes more static in the airwaves after a short time. We emotionally engage for a while, maybe toss some money to a charity as result and then move on to the next thing. The moment has passed and our interest fades as we look for the next thing to draw our attention, like the oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico.

This generates a culture that listens or hears but resists engaging or doing something about it, leaving to others or to those closer to the situation. We are told that attention spans for learning are falling as more and more young people look to the remote T.V. controller to help them satisfy a growing demand for different viewing, new things, something to interest or absorb even if only for a short while.

I was thinking about all of this the other day  related to food (something I enjoy) and recipes. When we get excited over a great recipe, listening to one of the many food programs on the T.V., what happens if we hear but then do nothing about it? Well just that, nothing! We and others around us will never experience the aromas, textures, flavours, colours and sheer enjoyment of that food if we never actually buy the ingredients, prepare it, cook it and serve it. We will never experience the pure joy of all of this because we heard about it but did nothing ourselves about it.

How does this fit with Christian faith? Well James tells us to be not only hearers (listeners) but doers of the word of God, we are to act on what we hear - through sermons, through teaching, through reading the word of God. Hearing or reading it is not the end only the beginning, we are to put it into action in our lives. We are not to be a sound bite people who hear but then move on to the next sound bite for further stimulation and entertainment. The best sermon in the word has no impact if those who hear do not act upon it. This is James' point :

 
Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.

The word of God, however it is listened to, is dry and dusty and of no use if we don't put it into action in our lives. It is meant to change us but can only do that if we take it to heart, put it into practice, in effect live it out. Then it becomes living and active in and through us

The Bible is full of examples of living out what people had heard. Peter and John for example had no money to give the lame beggar outside of the temple, but they did have something to put into action - faith in Jesus Christ; Result the man was able to walk.

If faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains, imagine what God's church could manage if it puts its faith in him into action. Let the word of God become living and active in you, be hearers and doers of the word of God.

Comfort Blankets

When I was fresh out of University, the first time, there was a great series on the radio ... "The Hitchhikers guide to the Galaxy", based on a book by Douglas Adams and since made into a T.V. series and a film. One of the major pieces of kit required by a Galaxy hopper says the guide is a towel. "A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have ...". The towel has both practical and psychological  benefits.

All of my children had what we called comfort blankets when they were children, that is something that helped them feel secure and safe in bed alone at night with mum and dad downstairs. One was a knitted clown, another a yellow baby's knitted blanket. I suspect if I looked hard enough where each lives I would find some remnant of those comforts.

We all have things that make us feel safe and secure and often any idea of changing those things or leaving them behind provokes the most rapid and vehement of responses from us. In church life it can be a particular prayer being used each service or the types of songs and instruments, it can even be where we sit or the kind of seats we use. All in a sense provide a comfort blanket, a sense of security in a very volatile world.

Another area of church life that often provokes a "run for the hills" attitude is mission - that is reaching out in our communities, making friends, meeting needs, inviting people home for a chat or even to a church event or social. In effect church with its services, meetings and internal activities can be a comfort blanket for those who attend. Leaving that comfort behind and engaging with a generally non Christian world, evokes feelings of fear, possible danger, rejection, scorn, being laughed at. Jesus took on board all of those things for us, he asks us to risk them for others. Have you ever asked yourself or more importantly non-church folk what they see, hear, take away when they come to church services?

Fortunately the Bible gives us a few hints that we are not to stay in our comfort zones, with our comfortable ways to do things. The early disciples were people of the way, they went out to others, often breaking new ground and shattering taboo's and religious comfort blankets. Acts is a good place to start if you are thinking of putting your comfort blankets down, try following one of Paul's journeys for example his visit to Philippi . If you like hearing rather than reading try youversion.com, its pretty cool and you can set it up to listen to scripture being read.

Give it a go, let go of the comfort blankets, let Christ lead you and go out and be a person of the way - reaching neighbours and friends for Christ.


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Formal Dress Not Required

Have you ever wondered where our dress codes come from and what they are? I found a web site the other day dedicated to telling the dress codes for occasions in different countries. Some suggest that these codes are set by each society or sub group in a society, in part to make a statement or to set themselves apart in some way. One thing that is clear is that these codes change with time.

Not so long ago a City of London business person was expected to wear smart business clothes, often a suit of  some sort. Today on a commuter train into London you will see all sorts of dress styles on business folks, casual is becoming more popular, smart less so. The other day I heard a radio report that in a recent survey a large percentage of women thought that wearing jeans to the office and even to weddings was perfectly OK.

I have to say that for weddings I still dress up a little and for my graduation from Spurgeon's college in London recently I wore a more formal outfit with a bow tie (I often wore these when in business). Perhaps a reflection of having, like many of my generation, to wear a school uniform - the great leveler of children and so wanting to be different.

My grand daughter was not as impressed with my gear as she might have been, but then she was the centre of attention for all of my family.

What about church going folks, is there a dress code, how do you know what it is and do you need to follow it? Well the answers is yes, no and maybe or maybe not. Certainty there is something of the wearing Sunday best culture in many Churches and for some it is an opportunity to dress up. However for others who wear more formal clothes all week they prefer to dress down and wear casual clothes. When I was in the Congo they tended to dress up and in fact liked the preacher to wear a smart outfit and tie for services in 30degC plus temperatures and high humidity. 

In some regards we can get too hung up on what we look like almost as if our clothes suggest something about how well we are with God, our dress code should not distract others from the reason for going - to come together and worship God. Don't get me wrong I know that some wear smart clothes to church as a sign of respect for God and there is nothing wrong with that so long as we don't make it a legal requirement and so exclude others who don't have or wear such outfits. Jeff Lucas talks about a girl who stopped going when others in the church told her that her Doc Martin boots were not godly in his book Creating a Prodigal Friendly Church.

Fortunately formal dress is not required to attend church. God is concerned with our heart attitudes more than the clothes that we wear to church, we can be the smartest dressed and yet live a life that denies what we say we believe, stealing, fighting, swearing, gossiping and so on. The heart attitude that we bring with us to church is formed and fashioned by the life we live in Christ, our prayer life, our service, our love and our study of his words to us.

Perhaps if we spent a little more time on these and came together for worship of God with a pure heart full of wonder at all that he has done with and through us, we would reflect something of God's glory and that would be our outer clothing?

This little blessing from the Northumbria community might help remind us

May the peace of the Lord Christ go with you,
wherever He may send you.
May He guide you through the wilderness,
protect you through the storm.
May He bring you home rejoicing
at the wonders He has shown you.
May He bring you home rejoicing
once again into our doors.

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